Children and Their
Personality
What motivates kids? Why do some kids fight, while othe=
rs
retreat and go inside themselves?
Why do some kids run away from their problems, and others look for
continual guidance? Kids̵=
7;
personalities are as complex and varied as our own. We want to help kids grow and deve=
lop,
but if we do not understand their personality characteristics, we end up gi=
ving
them what we would want, and no=
t what
they need.
The Enneagram
personality system is a useful tool for understanding different types of ki=
ds
and their patterns, and for seeing how adult personality types work with
children. We can see how kids
learn, what resilience factors contribute to their successes, and what
different kids look for in a mentor.
Through the Enneagram, we begin to see w=
hy
kids are facing so many challenges today, and why certain kids may display
ADD/ADHD characteristics. We =
also
want to find ways to help them without using prescription drugs.
Using the Enneagram with Youth
We use the Enneagram’s
nine different personality styles to learn about kids, and have practical
techniques to work with them.
Remember that each child is special and unique, and their entire bei=
ng
is much deeper than what personality characteristics they display. Kids are still developing and figu=
ring
out who they are, and it is important that we do not put them into a ‘=
;box.’
The Enneagram
types have many different names. We
are using these names below because they apply best to children:
1: &nbs=
p; The Perfectionist wants to do ever=
ything
just right and is often self-critical.
2: &nbs=
p; The Helper wants to be of assistan=
ce and
to be liked, and often masks his or her own feelings and needs.<=
/span>
3: &nbs=
p; The Achiever is driven to perform =
well
and to win approval.
4: &nbs=
p; The Individualist is sensitive, of=
ten
dramatic, likes to express him or herself, and needs to feel special.<=
/o:p>
5: &nbs=
p; The Observer is curious, wants to
understand everything, and is often shy.
6: &nbs=
p; The Questioner is alert, looks for
security, and may be fearful or confrontative i=
n the
face of the unknown.
7: &nbs=
p; The Adventurer seeks anything new =
and
fun, and often exhibits a short attention span.
8: &nbs=
p; The Asserter
is strong, energetic, and often aggressive.
9: &nbs=
p; The Peacemaker wants everyone to be
happy, and avoids conflict.
Personality Types and Learning
&n=
bsp;
Type One – The Perfectionist
Doing It RIGHT!
Wants
to Learn:
w
To
do it right & get a good grade
w
Achieve
a clear, logical goal
Learns
Best:
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Clear,
well-organized assignment
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Plan
their learning, logical goal
Hates
it when:
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Teacher is hyper-critical,
judgmental
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Not treated fairly, can=
217;t
reach goal
Type Two – The Helper
Tending to People.
Wants
to Learn:
w
How
to communicate with others
themselves
w
What
makes people tick
Learns
Best:
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Without
competition, cooperatively
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
By
sharing knowledge with peers
Hates
it when:
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Teacher is disrespectful o=
r rigid
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Deprived of human contact<=
o:p>
Type Three – The Achiever
Excellent Performance!
Wants
to Learn:
w
Something
new
w
To
do the task in the best way possible
Learns
Best:
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
In
exciting, engaging environment
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Diving
into the experience
Hates
it when:
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Teacher talks down, is inc=
ompetent
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Wants teacher’s answ=
er only
&n=
bsp;
Type Four – The Individualist
Lives in Virtual Reality.
Wants
to Learn:
w
Through
expressing feelings
w
Creating
something new, fantasy
Learns
Best:
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
In
a structured environment
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
With
“hands-on” experience
Hates
it when:
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Too much information at on=
ce,
overload
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Not enough positive feedba=
ck
<=
/p>
Type Five – The Observer
Recreating Data.
Wants
to Learn:
w
Gather
data of interest to them
w
Use
data to come to new knowledge
Learns
Best:
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Do
own research first, then others
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Experiencing
the learning
Hates
it when:
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Teacher is dictator, people
belittled
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Pushed to answer before th=
inking
<=
/p>
Type Six – The Questioner
Covering All Bases!
Wants
to Learn:
w
To
acquire new information, take on a
challenge
w
See
familiar in a new way
Learns
Best:
ü
Clear
guidelines, deadlines,
expectations
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Time
to explore, question, find validity
Hates
it when:
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Others are defensive about=
their
questions
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Pressured to act before be=
ing
ready
<=
/p>
Type Seven – The Adventurer
What Amuses Me.
Wants
to Learn:
w
To
satisfy curiosity, what they like
w
Be
appreciated for their work
Learns
Best:
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
With
demonstration of how to do it
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Left
alone to figure it out
Hates
it when:
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Told to do what they disli=
ke
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Learning does not seem rel=
evant
<=
/p>
<=
/p>
<=
/p>
<=
/p>
&n=
bsp;
Type Eight – The Asserter
Charge Right In!
Wants
to Learn:
w
To
take on a challenge, prove
w
Possess
information to achieve a goal
Learns
Best:
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
Plunging
into the experience
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
By
teaching others the material
Hates
it when:
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Talking is primary learnin=
g method
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Anyone obstructs learning =
process
Type Nine – The Peacemaker
Being There.
Wants
to Learn:
w
Experience
whatever is around
w
Explore
something new & different
Learns
Best:
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
When
teacher prods & encourages
<=
span
style=3D'font-family:Wingdings;mso-fareast-font-family:Wingdings;mso-bidi-f=
ont-family:
Wingdings'>ü
With
clear directions & timelines
Hates
it when:
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Left alone to complete big=
project
=
Ï<=
span
style=3D'font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Asked to choose from many =
projects
The Three Centres –
Mental, Emotional and
Physical
Each of us has 3 centres<=
/span>
which influence us – our thoughts, our emotions, & our bodies. Our personality is determined by t=
he centre which is dominant, & by the centre
we repress.
² &n=
bsp;
Mental or Thinking Centre (Types 5,6,7)
Focus on getting information, logical & sequential thinking, have issues
with trust and fear.
² &n=
bsp;
Emotional or Heart Centre (Types 2,3,4)
Focus on relationships, personal connections, communicating, have issues wi=
th
image.
² &n=
bsp;
Physical or Instinctive Centre
(Types 8=
,9,1)
Focus on action, doing, systems, have issues with anger and will.
<=
/p>
The centre that is=
repressed
determines how people respond when they are in stress or conflict. The reason kids get into trouble is
because when they feel stress or tension, they respond to it in an unhealthy
way. Tension can come from
relationships with parents, peers, school, not having enough money, etc. Kids need to learn how to respond =
to
stress in a healthy way, and not in a neurotic way.
The Hornevian Model
This is a very simple model which gives a quick
understanding about what is happening with an individual. These three forms of behaving beco=
me
very visible in times of conflict, tension, or stress. Often, kids will take on the quali=
ties
of all the three types within their Hornevian g=
roup.
² &n=
bsp;
Assertive Group (Types 3,7,8)
Moving Against People,
Repress Feelings,
Aggressiveness.
² &n=
bsp;
Withdrawing Group (Types 4,5,9)
Moving Away From People,
Repress Doing,
Detachment.
² &n=
bsp;
Waiting, Compliant Group (Ty=
pes 1,2,6)
Moving Towards People,
Repress Thinking,
Pushing & Complaining.
Creating Balance –
How Can We Help Them?
All change comes from within. People will not change unless they make the decision to change
themselves, or they want to cha=
nge. Our main goals in working with you=
th are
to be emotionally honest, genuinely invested in working with them, and to l=
et
them find their own sense of self. <=
/span>
“I
do beseech you to direct your efforts
more to
preparing youth for the path and
less to=
preparing
the path for the youth."
=
Ben Lindsey
Mental or Thinking Centre (Types
5,6,7)
They need to trust
you to give them structure. They can quickly move their intere=
st to
something else, so they need a schedule to keep them focused on what needs =
to
get done – homework, chores, etc.&nb=
sp;
They need to feel safe and secure.&=
nbsp;
The goal is to lead them to =
self-control.
|
|
~~~~~~~~~~~=
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
|
Emotional or Heart Centre (Types
2,3,4)
They want to hear about your life before t=
hey
will talk honestly about their own lives.&=
nbsp;
They want an authentic emoti=
onal
connection, a two-way relationship.&nb=
sp;
They need attention from=
you
when they are doing things WELL.
The goal is to lead them to =
self-love.
Physical or Instinctive Centre<=
/span> (Types
8,9,1)
They need to respect
you if you are going to discipline them.&n=
bsp;
You must be totally honest with them, do what you say you are going =
to
do, i.e. follow through on promises and consequences. Too much discipline will have a ne=
gative
effect because they also need to develop their sense of self. The goal is to lead them to self-discipline.=
All people need a healthy balance between =
structure, love, and discipline. Give the child what he or she needs
first, depending on the centre he or she is cur=
rently
displaying. Creating a balance
between the three is the main goal.
If a kid keeps giving us a problem, or getting=
on
our nerves, maybe it is a challenge of OUR personality:
=
w
Can
a Withdrawing adult administer discipline in a stressful situation?
=
w
Will
an Assertive adult spend time processing feelings with kids in the emotiona=
l centre?
=
w
Would
a Compliant adult give kids freedom to grow and
develop? Give them a chance t=
o make
mistakes and learn from the consequences by themselves?
You
have a responsibility, if you are going to work with others, to understand
yourself. You need to be awar=
e of
your strengths and challenges, and what kind of people you get annoyed by.<=
span
style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'>
Help students identify their current area of
strength, as indicated by their Enneagram Type,=
as a
starting place in the development of a sense of purpose and future. Kids need to see that they have a l=
ot to
offer to themselves, and the world!
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